Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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