I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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