if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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