you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
