So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
