Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
