a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
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So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
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I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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