Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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