It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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