I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We just shotgunned beers for America
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
