All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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