Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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