Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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