The brown eye won't let me do that either.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
