i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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