her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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