Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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