Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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