i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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