Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
false alarm. still invincible.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
