He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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