i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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