Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Boobs are out for the taking
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
