She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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