There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
