i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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