You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize