Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
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Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
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I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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