Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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