you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
