my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
