he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
