Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize