Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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