Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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