sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
