i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You ruined the universe
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
