life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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