I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
