Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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