grandma shit on top of the toilet
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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