He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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