Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
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The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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