So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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