Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
