I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
