i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
