it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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