Christians are straight up FREAKS
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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