if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
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He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize