he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
