I got chris browned last night
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
