i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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