I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she looked like the before picture.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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