I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize